Dear Insanity Wolf,
I fear I've done something rash. My girlfriend and I have been dating a while, and I found out she's pregnant. We haven't had sex in a while, and I accused her of cheating. How should I fix this?
John, Des Moines
DO SOMETHING RASH? DO SOMETHING RASHER! RIP THAT FETUS OUT OF THE WOMB AND DEVOUR IT. IF IT WAS YOUR CHILD, IT WOULD FIGHT YOU FOR POWER, IF IT WASN'T, THAT BITCH DESERVED TO HAVE HER GUTS FISTED! DO A DANCE AND GO FUCK A POODLE.